Saturday, December 20, 2008

Cabin Fever to the Infinite Power

For the last 10 years, I have been living on my own away from home. Back in college I stayed at various dorms during my first 2 years before eventually moving into an apartment of my own in junior year.

Since then I have moved to several other fairly-decent apartments, sh*tty room rentals, cheap condos, and small houses . Except for maybe a total of 2 years when I had to move back in to Ma's house (on and off) for a variety of reasons, I have pretty much lived on my own. And I loved it, for the sole reason that I get to not live with Ma.

My relationship with Ma is difficult to explain and even more difficult to understand. Believe me I have tried both, with no luck. Very simply said, I don't like her. No, that's not such a bad thing. "Not like" is not as harsh as other negative emotions like, let's say "hate", "abhor", "detest". It's more of a NON-feeling. You get the point.

When, one time, I tried to explain the dyamics of my relationship with Ma to BIL, this is how I phrased it: "If I didn't know her, I wouldn't be her friend." Imagine having a roommate whose habits, whose noises, annoy you. Imagine having a roommate who does not respect your privacy, barges into your room anytime she wants, reads your mail, goes through your stuff, and does not apologize for it. Imagine being stuck with that roommate forever. That's how it is living with Ma.

I was glad to be out of the house and living on my own. When I was living in Manila I would drop in for Sunday lunch or dinner occasionally. The good thing is I can always leave when I want, so we don't get to the awkward portions when we start to annoy each other. When I moved out of the city, I would call occasionally and our relationship got a little better. At least we were always civil to each other, owing to the fact that we never see each other anyway.

Now, here in the US, we are snowed in. SN1 is out of town for the whole week, and BIL is at work all day. There is no car. The train station is too far away to walk to (and in this weather?). There is no one else to see anyway; I know no one here. I am holed up in the house day in and day out...with Ma.

I looked up cabin fever in the dictionary, and there was a picture of us! Its symptoms include restlessness (CHECK), irritability (CHECK), and excessive sleeping (aaaaaaaaaaand CHECK). I have taken to eating my meals in front of the computer here in the basement just so I can avoid sitting down at the dining table with her, and saying nothing. I duck into the bathroom when I hear her come out of her room. I have resorted to taking longer walks with Scooter (in the snow!) so she's done watching the evening news when we get back.

SN1 is due back home tonight. I hope she's not too tired to go out. Please, please, please let us go out tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after that. It's funny how having SN1 around seems a lot more fun now in light of being stuck here with Ma. I know when she gets home, SN1 and I will definitely think of something to fight about. But for now, she is my only hope against going insane!

4 side-notes:

Anonymous said...

jason and i went to ride and roll last night. ang saya ng tugtugan :-) punta tayo dun pag andito ka na ulit. -agay

vanilla said... about taking refuge in ANY book? =S

vanilla said...

and you're still going to CA in Jan, right?

LingBling said...

baka mas ok sa CA. at least dun makakalabas kami. *cross fingers*

nga pala slamat sa inyong dalawa na loyal readers ng blog ko hehehe. mewi kwismas!