Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hey Jealousy

So here I am on a Monday morning, typing away in my sister's basement, listening to Christmas songs. I still have 7 more weeks here in the US, and I can't wait to go home.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to be here. I have seen some amazing sights, and done some shopping. What I cannot take any more of is all this wedding chatter between my sisters. At first, it was exciting, talking about their wedding plans and their husbands-to-be. It gave us a chance to get closer and to get to know our soon-to-be in-laws. But after a while, it becomes painfully obvious that I am the only one not planning my wedding. I have no stories to share of how I met (fill in the blank). I have no one to call at night, or buy Christmas presents for back home.

Now, 1 week after my older sister's wedding, the excitement is wearing off. My younger sister has left to go back home, and me and Ma are starting to get into each other's skin again. Everything is back to normal, only we are 7,000 miles away from home. Now more than ever, I miss my friends. They would understand this jealousy, and will gladly talk about it -- about me. Here, my jealousy seems out of place and unjustified. And the fact that it is unacknowledged makes it all the more real and unbearable.

Here, surrounded by old couples and newly-weds, my alone-ness is magnified. It mocks me. Here, where I am holed up in the basement, snowed in, with no where to go, and no means to go there anyway, I cannot escape.

5 side-notes:

Anonymous said...

i suggest you take long walks by yourself para hindi ka masaturate sa pamilya :-) - agay

LingBling said...

i would pero 5 minutes outside, ill turn into a popsicle. hehe

vanilla said...

my emoting is somewhat similar to yours, ma. hmp. when u get back, we'll hang out. i'm nag-bi-bitter-ocampo lang at home (my friend told me that's what i'm doing =P). come home earlier na lang kaya? :)

vanilla said...

did i tell you that i know about 10 people who are getting married by next year? what the...?!!!

LingBling said...

haha! we seriously need another one on one. kala ko ba we were both okay na abt our repsective status(es?) before i left.

sabi nga ng isa kong kaklase nung high school: "you and i, we are the same".

i say the same to you. miss you maw!