Thursday, January 1, 2009

Ah! Regret

I hate regrets. I have tried so hard in my life not to have too many of them. So far, I have not had very big ones. The trouble with regret is that it haunts you. It sits in the dark recesses of your mind, taunting, picking away at your sanity. It never lets you forget.

It's a bad way to start the year - regretting. Wanting things to be different. Hitting yourself over the head for the things that happen which are beyond your control in the first place. Not being able to ignore that nagging voice saying over and over again: "IF ONLY..."

I should have know n this would happen. All my New Years were bummers for the last 4, maybe 5, years. It didn't matter whether I was alone, or with someone at the time -- I have never had a great New Year's.

I could have this year. I could be back in Illinois, attending a New Year's party with a new friend. That party could have been REALLY promising. But as usual, with my twisted luck (got half a horseshoe up my a$$, as he put it), I am in LA. Staying with Ma's friends -- a married couple and their 10-year old kid.

Our hosts have treated us very well. They have filled our days with tours and trips to downtown LA. We have been to 3 museums in 3 days. We spend at least 4 hours of the day in the car going from place to place. In the car, the couple picks fights with each other, and the kid throws temper tantrums in between. At the end of the day we're all tired. To top it all of, we are all getting sick.

On this New Year's eve Ma and her friend are cooking pancit, and the husband is making the rest of us watch The Incredible Hulk.


But I wasn't invited until a couple of days ago. It couldn't possibly mean so much to me to miss it, right? But that's all it takes to regret.

0 side-notes: