Jaded Meets Romantic

I feel like I am on a Prozac-Valium cocktail. Getting high one minute, and crashing the next.

I am dating again, and I have almost forgotten how good that feels. I cannot remember the last time I had smiled so much, or for so long. My jaws would hurt at the end of the day, and I would wonder why. I don't even realize that I have probably overworked my cheeks with the oversized grins.

So this is what dating is all about. It's about late night, all night phone calls. It's about on-the-spot coffee dates at 2am. It's about sitting in the car in the freezing cold because you got locked out of the house on your way out. It's about flowers on your first date. It's about movies and popcorn, beer and pizza, coffee and pancakes. It's about goofing around, laughing out loud, having so much fun. It's about being polite and gracious, and respectful and caring and kind.

It's not much different from catching up with an old friend. Except that this has so much more... potential. I get high on the excitement of discovering someone, and someone discovering me. There is a certain kind of happiness at being found.

So I revel in it, like taking in the sun for that perfect tan. I let everything else fall away and let myself experience only this. I let myself be carried away, and I dare to expect. But what if...

I have had my share of loser relationships to know better. It always starts like this. You get swayed off your feet. You get dined and wined. You get loose. And then you get a big dose of reality. That first-time high? It wears off. All that romance in the beginning? It becomes too much work after a while. Those cute little "things" you have? They start to become annoying little habits. You start out as friends, and then in the end you can barely look at each other. Now what?

Is it really worth it?

Yes.

In a world full of cynicism and distrust, I choose to believe in the inherent goodness of things and people. I choose to take full responsibility for my own happiness. Whether it lasts me a minute or a lifetime, I will take that chance. Everytime.